


Eh, Might As Well

by IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: And That Hopefully I Will Ever Write, Anyway This is DEFINITELY The Most Useless Fic I've Written, But Like Only In A Cringy Way, But This One Fic Called for Cool Nanny, Crowley as Nanny Ashtoreth Being Cool For Once, F/M, Humor, I Want to Get Back to My Other Series, Listen: I Love Dumbass-Crowley as Much as The Next Person, Riding, Sexual Content That's Not Super Explicit But Still, Thaddeus Is Just The Worst Man In Existence, This Fic Is Just a Lot of Low Blows Against Thaddeus lmao, Vaginal Sex, also i forgot to tag the actual infidelity happening in this, and i just had a dumbass thought about nanny and mr. dowling and wanted to humiliate him a bit, anyway! uh. bye, but i think we could all figure that one out, but seriously i don't actually ship this not that anyone would mistake it for that, harriet dowling hasn't magically disappeared, i legitimately didn't think there would be a tag for these two, i'm gonna go scream in a pillow, ok it's hurting my fingers to write like that, ok. so! let's do actual tags and then some dumb tags after, the title is inspired by my thought process when thinking about writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 19:01:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20296405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore/pseuds/IHidMyFaceFromYouNoMore
Summary: It's another one of those "just read the tags, you'll get the idea"-fics ! Now, please, take my keyboard away from me, it's not healthy.





	Eh, Might As Well

There really was something about that nanny, as much as Mr. Dowling wouldn’t like to admit it. She wasn't young, or poreless, or looked anything like a woman you'd see in a gentleman's magazine. If he showed his buddies a picture of her and asked them if they’d fuck her, he would probably get laughed at. So why? Why was it that her neck-to-toe covered-up body enticed him so? 

  
The ambassador had convinced himself that it didn't have anything to do with her looks, or not as much at least; it was more about her attitude, the way she carried herself, that was what stalled him. He hadn’t seen that kind of confidence, that _walk_, in a woman before. It drove him up the wall to think about how her confidence translated in the bedroom.

  
Mr. Dowling was used to getting what he liked, even if he didn’t realize that truth. So he would pursue her, he decided. And there was one day, finally, where he could execute his vision.

He caught a glimpse of the nanny leaving the living room and so he took his shot. He strode up to her while she was distracted by a crease in her blouse. “Miss Ashtoreth  —” 

“Yes, Mr. Dowling?” She finally looked up at him with her eternally-shrouded-by-dark-glasses eyes. 

“Uh — Where’s Warlock, he’s not with you?” 

“No, he is visiting a friend from school.” 

“And my wife, d’you know where she is?” 

“I believe she told me she is at the salon for an eyebrow treatment. She’ll be home within the hour.” 

Couldn't be more perfect. Mr. Dowling decided he would pull out his best move and pray that it worked. 

“Good. Because I was thinking, maybe, you wanted to go to my office. For a … talk. We could get to know each other, more privately.” And he sneaked a hand around her elbow, holding it while giving her his best seductive look(wiggling his eyebrows, mostly). 

Crowley barely reacted. Mostly because she had smelled the lechery emanating from him for weeks and so it wasn’t coming out of left field. She only had this thought; 'Whatever, they'll all probably be wiped out in a few years anyways, might as well. If I don’t get a commendation for this, then I’ll take it out on Ligur.'

“Fine.” She sounded borderline bored as she took his elbow instead and led them to the office.

  
  
The heavy door was locked behind them. With a featherlight push, Mr. Dowling was compelled to lie back on the desk. He was not disappointed yet, his hopes for her severe attitude having a sensual side were being fulfilled, it seemed. He grinned, already overwhelmed with curious lust as she loosened his belt to pull his embarrassingly hard cock out. Even though it was happening before him, he couldn’t stop thinking about fucking the nanny, finally, _in his own office_, in  — ‘Oh,’ he thought. ‘Better get the tapes in the security cameras erased ASAP.’ But anyway, he hadn’t been this excited about something in a while.   
  
Miss Ashtoreth mounted the desk, pulling her skirts up. She drew aside her undergarment like a veil, letting him inside. He had promised himself he wasn’t gonna make any noise, the other staff were still in the house after all, but when she started riding him as if he were a stallion she’d like to get to gallop, he _yelped_. 

The entire desk was creaking against the old hardwood floors, her almost inhuman ferocity caused the papers to slide off the table and Mr. Dowling to feel as if he was going to see stars up close for the first time in his life. 

He gripped her by her hips, not to get her to stop, but to hold onto something the same way you would hold onto a bar in the subway so as to not fall over when the train reaches terminal velocity. From the angle he was at, he thought he caught a glimpse of her naked eyes but dismissed it as they seemed rather yellow to him, and that couldn’t be right. Must’ve been the bloodrush making him see things.   
  
Meanwhile, Crowley studied the unsettling portrait of Donald Rumsfeld hanging on the wall opposite her, quivering slightly as a result of their activity. He was staring at her in a way that almost made her want to pray that no woman would ever have to be looked at by the likes of him again. Quite powerful for a photograph. The frame next to it with Dick Cheney had no such powers.

Mr. Dowling hadn’t felt so close to someone in a long time, which was saying more than he would be able to grasp. He briefly felt something he mistook for love, though it might have been his oncoming orgasm.

Crowley stifled a yawn. She would’ve liked a nap. But she had to get on with this first, couldn’t start a task and then not finish it, no. Even if it wasn’t that exciting. In human terms, it was about as exciting as folding the laundry, brushing your teeth, or doing your taxes. In demonic terms, it was about as exciting as picking bits of the flesh of the innocent from between your fangs, or combing your wings, or doing your taxes. 

Mr. Dowling was soon making a strangled noise of gratification, and it was all over within the minute. She pried his hands off her body and elegantly slid off the desk, then began adjusting her clothing with the same unchanged facial expression. The ambassador stumbled off the desk, his head spinning for some reason.

“Oh, boy  — that was something, huh?” He regained his balance and zipped up, though not his mouth. “Did you — you know?” 

Crowley was elsewhere, thinking about how to defeat the next level in her Peggle game. “Hm? Eh, no.” She unlocked the door. 

It only now occurred to Mr. Dowling that their tryst had been rather one-sided, though he wouldn’t be able to know whose side was what. 

“Wait, you — I could take care of that for you.” He tried for seductive again, failing miserably. Crowley briefly imagined him bopping her clit once and fully believing he had made her come. She now had to stifle a laugh on top of her yawn. 

“I don’t think so. I should get back to my tasks.” The task being a nap in the broom-closet. And so she slipped out of the room. 

Mr. Dowling decided to wallow in his own guilt for four and a half minutes, then spend nearly twenty-eight minutes convincing himself to feel justified for doing what he did before he also could return to his tasks. He didn’t proposition her again, but he did find the next day that the Don Rumsfeld portrait in his office had been turned around and would not budge.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should go rickroll myself now, just to even it out. 
> 
> Sorry you read all the way through that, but do comment if you want to, I still love comments even now as my writing skills have gone seriously downhill.


End file.
